Tag Archives: mood

Attachment

This morning I did an analytic meditation on attachment. Our fancy phone, our partner, our lifestyle and many other objects, people and ideas can be sources.

I’ve often had disappointment in love and today I realised why. Previously I have projected desired good qualities onto a boyfriend and then expected him to behave in a way that I would. Just because I am chatty and physically affectionate I sometimes expect a partner to be as well. We often expect a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, husband to be like us. For example we might plan a big surprise party when they prefer the company of a few good friends. We need to appreciate differences in personality of those we are close to. It’s also important to recognise the difference between love and attachment, because often they feel like the same thing.

Attachment makes us behave in a way which often runs contrary to who we really are and destroys our peace of mind. We might be clingy or bombard someone with texts, thinking that the more we contact them, the more likely they are to answer. Of course the opposite is true. We develop unrealistic expectations of those we love, expecting them  to always be there and make us happy. Our mood can go up and down depending on what’s happening in our relationships. We might feel hurt by a partner’s behaviour when in fact we just need to understand. It always helps to try and see things from their perspective.

Perhaps we get into dysfunctional relationships because we don’t want to be alone, because we’re in love with the idea of love or because we try to fool ourselves that we are compatible when we are not.

We may plan our days around our partners. But really we should get on with our own lives, our own independent journey. If they want to join us then that’s great but if they don’t, don’t lose sight of who you are and what you want to achieve. Only you can shape your future.

YouCanDoIt

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The Magic of Music

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“Musical” wrote the piano examiner and I nervously represented my teacher at a pupils concert.  When I was a baby I had a piece composed for me because I would stop crying whenever my parents’ friend played the grand. Today I was reminded what an emotional difference it can make.

My parents were being negative at each other and I’d tried unsuccessfully to intervene. Suddenly I decided why not play some tunes. I’m not talking aboutimages (2) turning on the radio and cranking it up – our tastes are completely different and this would probably have exacerbated tensions. But we all love the sound of the piano. So while they separately sulked I played dad’s favourite composer – Mozart. Then I played one of mum’s favourite tunes by Ludovico Einaudi, who I am exited to be seeing live next week. 2549108_f520

By the end of the pieces mum and dad were still in different rooms but both were smiling and looked more relaxed. The power of music astonishes me. When you’re tense it helps you relax, you can express your feelings and it’s a tremendous release. But it also has a ripple effect amongst your audience – as the sound washes through them you often see them sharing the mood. It allows you to take a step back from your busy life and lose yourself, even just for a moment.

Playing an instrument has been proven to be good for the brain, increasing intelligence. It has been shown to increase IQ by seven points, so it’s good not just for relaxing your mind when you study. The piano is my constant companion. Unlike man’s best friend the dog, it needs no feeding or expensive vets bills, just the occasional tuning. It may be but an object, but it is always there for you no matter how you’re feeling. Reading music is a skill for life and an instrument can be yours forever. When I was younger, piano lessons and practice were chores. But now I am pleased my parents encouraged me. The foundations were laid for me to build on and the better you get, the more engaging the manuscript.

Music can unite, it’s a common language and says so much more than words. So if you’re feeling angry, if you’re feeling upset, listen to some upbeat music or play a piece you can get lost in. It won’t solve deep-rooted problems but it will help you deal with them better.

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Bored? Activities to break the monotony of jobhunting

Hello fellow jobseekers/readers!

I’ve been encouraged by the massive jump in views and positive comments received since I posted my first ever blog (!) yesterday. Now I understand what all the hype was about – it’s like a diary, only one that can be read by anyone.

Although it is possible to fill a whole morning with jobhunting, sometimes it’s hard to look all day. It’s the same dull process- I apply for every job I have the skills for, using a variety of direct  employer websites and jobhunting websites and repeat my details on yet another form.

Here are some activities to vary your day and make you feel better.

 – Do some exercise

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If it’s raining I do a fitness DVD. It’s hilarious and entertaining. Going for a run is great – the freedom of it, trying to beat your previous time, and being outdoors. It really wakes you up and gets you motivated. You may feel more confident and relaxed afterwards too. Exercise restores any imbalance of the mind.

– Make something

 

Whether it’s following a new recipe or making a card, the end result will be an achievement and remind you of your skills. I’ve joined a “craft pay it forward” posted by a friend. If you want something made for you, you have to make something for 5 other people. I’m going to make one a wooden squirrel out of a kit I got for Christmas, and for another I’m going to bake…anyone got any other crafty suggestions?

 – Sing/dance/do some art/play music (on the radio/your favourite instrument)

Throw some shapes! Or learn some new ones.

Throw some shapes! Or learn some new ones.

This makes you feel more positive – again it reminds you of your skills and it’s entertaining to do. Don’t worry about how you sound/getting it perfect/how you look, just release yourself and enjoy. Creativity is a great way to express your feelings.

 – Update or start a blog/write a book/start a new project

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A project like a book needs time investment, which you have right now! Make the most of it. As a friend told me “you may not have this much time for yourself again”. Read similar works if you need inspiration. Everyone has a book in them.

 – Do a puzzle

It keeps those brain cells going!

 – Learn a new skill/discover new things

Learn a language, or refresh a skill needed for the job you want, again, you have the time to really learn something. Try a new skill – you may be surprised where it takes you. Training is sometimes offered for free on Jobseekers Allowance. This may help you find work.

 – Keep your house clean for guests

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Housework is decent exercise, and it also impresses your guests. Doing it to music – to your ipod or the radio makes it more fun. You’ll be surprised how much better and more motivated it makes you feel. As the saying goes, clear space, clear mind. You should have friends/family round at least once a week when you’re unemployed, as they can motivate you and provide company. I’ve found one of the hardest things about being jobless, other than financial issues, is the lack of company I used to get from colleagues – the office chat (only on breaks or whilst working, of course) and their jokes/humour.

 – Write down a list of your strengths and weaknesses

This will help you decide what skills to highlight in your applications. Look at your weaknesses. How can you improve them?

Struggling to get motivated/be productive?

– Write down a to-do list every day and tick it off. You should get more done using this technique.

If you tried one of the above and it helped, please tell me about it. Or if you have any tips to add please comment.

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February 5, 2013 · 5:16 pm